Spring Break

Yeah so Spring Break pictures are in :P Our trip to Disneyland:


We may look like dorks, but who cares? we're at the 'happiest place on earth'!


main street USA


Martin and Tia, in a teacup at the Mad Hatter's Tea Party


Margie gets sleepy


Amazing Josie!


Me trying to blow something up in Toontown

Other random snaps:


Waiting for the taxi, lazing the grass


Josie eats her vegetable soup~


I love this picture because of the perfect nasty expression on my face. if only I could look so cynical everyday! :D that's Ben on the right


confusing picture


A bird's eye view of Josie playing Mariokart. Courtesy of me climbing up on top of the couch and snapping pictures.

Tia has a bunch of pics of her with people at Knott's Berry Farm~ poke her to go post em.

Hey all

Thanks, Adhira and Josie :) its all good now, whatever it turns out to be, I can think about it without being upset. Spring Break is good, I'm happy :P I love you guys, again, thanks a lot.

Gracia, have any idea what dates you'll be in the US? Josie and I are still there during summer doing Summer Math, from May 16 to Jun 24, hope you'll be around afterwards? :P I'd love to meet you somewhere like LA (easy to arrange) or San Francisco (?).

Tani, thanks for the advice on european cities. Don't think we can make it up to Berlin though, it'd be too cold in the winter!

Mr. Cowan's website

Oh oh oh, check out Mr. Cowan's website! I was being bored, and decided to wander around ISM teacher's websites. He was promoting chemistry as a great subject to study: College entry pre-requisites, you may be surprised to find, often include a credit in Chemistry, even for unrelated subjects. Why? Because of the thinking skills involved in successful study. For instance, Harvey Mudd, the top US college, stipulates a credit in Chemistry for all courses. It's cute... =)

Margie...
Hope things get better with Jason. Sounds to me like you feel responsible for what happened. But if you need something from him, you need it, that all! You dont need to feel sorry about wanting him to be more open. Just like you are not blaming him for not responding well, you shouldn't blame yourself for asking either. Granted, I don't know anything about relationships, but I just dont want you to be sad over a guy... I hope everything works out, but if it doesnt, I know you will still do great!

And yes, I love this blog too :)
Josie, it was great talking to you! I hope we can do that sometime again... CAnt wait to see all of you in the Philippines...

Tani & Gracie, Are you guys going to the Phiippines? If yes, when? I will be there from May to Aug 10, excepting a week or two in the middle...

Margie!!

Hey... what are you talking about?? Okay... There are some things I can't do with Gena that I can do with you, Adhira, Grace, Tani, etc. There are also some things that Gena has that are different. I don't really know what it is, but... Well, about spending more time together, we're all super busy all this time. Besides, we do hang out together a lot of times (although it might be less than what we want). And it looks like you're having a good time with a lot other friends too, Margie! Mike Tauraso, Madalena, Justin, Tony, etc. That's great! I know them (and they're really cool people too!), but I don't get to hang out with them as much as you do. (Oh well, nobody can get everything.)

Oh, and another note: maybe there is some SI factor. But you see people like Ben, Martin, George, and Chris (and you!); they weren't in SI but we hang out together lots of time. There are also SI people who we hardly see these days.

Anyway =) I'm glad we get to hang out more often this Spring Break. Yay!

About the number of couples in our freshman class; it's amazing how fast people are hooking up! Couples everywhere. It's really hard to stay single (not that being single is particularly good or bad).

About Jason, I really hope everything will get better. Take your time, Margie. Don't worry too much about it =) [And iff (just if) it didn't get better; don't worry too much either. Don't let yourself be too sad because of him =)]

hhhh (sleepy...) ... I'll see you tomorrow, Margie. Good night!!

Just some things~

Hi everyone :)
I like how this blog is a little bit private -- its just us 5 talking and sharing thoughts and experiences. Well, because I know that a number of people at Mudd read my blog, I feel like spilling a litle bit here (where the only mudder present is Josie)

Jason's kind of irked off at me. I can tell by the way he doesn't visit me lately, and the way that he is friendly at dinner and things but not eager to hang out... it is partially my fault, but I think the only thing I can do is wait and let him have his space. We're not really together at the moment (its possible its over permanently) and I feel bad because until Wednesday (today is Friday, the first day of spring break) he wasn't openly pissed off at me -- Instead, I was the one angry at him. For avoiding me, for showing no passion or enthusiasm when hanging out with me, I just blew up/cried at him on Wednesday night, as we took a walk around CMC. As we talked, I know I kept pushing him to make it clear to me exactly how he felt about me, because I felt totally in the dark about things. For the week before that I was really miserable, I felt neglected and lonely and unwanted -- I was trying as much as possible to focus on schoolwork and just anything but him -- but at times I just found myself crying over a piece of homework, or as I got ready for bed (if I wasn't already completely exhausted)

Not that he was really mean or anything, but he was being purposefully distant -- didn't want to participate in a relationship with me. He said some things which hurt me Wednesday, like~ maybe I'm can't provide what you want, Margie, and told me I should go pursue other guys.... which I don't want! I'm not that kind of person who jumps from boyfriend to boyfriend :( kind of insulted that he would think something like that of me. And said that probably the reason why I wanted to get back with him again was just because we had established a kind of comfort level and emotional intimacy... this is NOT the reason! I honestly still like him... and I just wish things were back to normal.

I was worried about whether he even liked me anymore, just because of the way that he's been acting around me. He doesn't approach me to talk anymore~ I have to go to him, and I know he thinks I'm a distraction, esp since he's so busy already. He said he still likes me, but has been avoiding me because I never give him any peace, which I know is true -- when he first knew me he said I gave him such a sense of peace, he would come down to talk all the time but not anymore because of the way that in the past few weeks I've been bugging him about spending more time with me, and I criticize him a lot at the same time without thinking. I burdened him with troubles that he just doesn't need, and I don't blame him for being kind of peeved off at me. To him I've become this extremely low-self-esteem, moody, impatient person... and I know its because that's sort of the way I've been allowing myself to act around him when I'm not happy about something. It was bad because the times that he did spend time with me, I was extremely needy of affection because he denied it to me for an entire week, just things like holding hands and hugging he didn't do. I know, I'm definitely improved since Wednesday~ much happier and actually trying to dress up a little again (I'm really hating my glasses, ick, having them off definitely makes me feel so much happier) yet at the same time I'm secretly a bit worried about the way that Jason is pissed.

I'm not even going on the spring break trip I originally planned because I just didn't feel like it (among other things I need/want to do concerning passports, snowboarding, and going to little tokyo in LA with my roommate and other friends). I know that for a while I've been dumping all my frustration and things on him, just because my roommate and I are great friends but she now has a boyfriend, and Mike T is really busy being a CS major, and Nate and other Mike never want to eat on campus, ever. Tony is damn busy all the time. And well, I don't know~ to tell you the truth Josie I've been feeling like you and Gena are this duo that does everything together that there is absolutely no space for another. Sometimes I really miss hanging out with girls... and it doesn't help that you guys have all these private activities :( I don't know, I don't want to accuse you of anything, because you haven't done anything wrong. Jason was also saying to me, Why don't you hang out with Tia more often out of class and dinner? You've let Gena replace you... why did you let that happen? I don't know, when he said that I started crying. To tell you the truth one of the main reasons why I'm staying here on Spring Break is because I hope to hang out with my roommate (on previous breaks she or I was always away), and also because I would like to hang out more with you. Just sort of soak in Mudd when it isn't so stressful.

That said, I'm not entirely miserable. I'm confident that the situation will improve. All I care about now is having some space~ and giving Jason the space that he needs. When Spring Break returns I hope everything will be better, whether or not we continue to have a relationship (though I'm going to make sure its not as intense as before). Like I said, the fact that Mudd has so many couples doesn't help... it seemed like everytime I missed Jason, my roommate was kissing and playing with her boyfriend, or all those frosh couples were holding hands or kissing in public or doing cute things together. It just drove me mad...

There are really good things that are happening though. I aced my chem quiz today (go me!), even though I stayed up all night without sleep to do my hum paper (due 5 pm tonight, nearly done). Everyone's all smiles because its spring break :) I had a really great time hanging out with Mike Chan and Maddalena today, I actually found out that Mike is half-hongkongese :P and that he can speak Cantonese! Also, I've been getting to know Elton a lot better, Justin really well, as well as cool people like Hyung Joo and Mike Crockett slowly. Actually, just yesterday I found out that someone, a close friend of mine, is kind of attracted to me... it was an accident the way I found out, but anyway, even though I don't like him in that way, it was flattering.

Last night was a ton of fun with Mike T. Actually it started with something bad -- my laptop got unplugged while it was writing a system file, and the file was deleted. So I couldn't boot up! But Mike saved the day by booting Knoppix (this linux distro which doesn't require you to install on the HD) and transferred my hum essay to his computer. I spent the rest of the night talking to him and writing my hum paper on his powerbook (actually, I'm on a mac now, I love em). Yeah, so -- the world is not over, I have a support group (have had wonderful conversations with my roommate again, now that I've told her everything) and I'm happy, and confident again. I really hope I have things sorted out with Jason and back to normal so that I can stop worrying and make a full rebound back after Spring Break.

Love,
Margie

p.s. Sorry so very incredibly long... you don't have to read this if you don't want to

Not quite *good news*

I am just going to be cheap and post the same thing I posted on my LJ..

I got the Resident Assistant (RA) position! That means free housing for the whole year, and whats great is that if I want to continue doing it after next year I dont have to re-apply! Anyway, I really wanted this... I dont think I have wanted soething sooo much in years (not even about colleges, coz i had no idea where I wanted to go.) The main reason I wanted it was because I felt that I was just whiling away my time here without doing anything productive or espeacially interesting. Though I am in clubs and stuff, I still felt like I needed to do something.
Its weird how you want something so much and when you do get it, you wish you hadn't! My very close friend (who also wanted this VERY much) was offered an alernate position. What that basically means is that if an RA leaves, she will be offered that place. But she was very upset. I never thought only one of us would get it, it was always both or niether... And to top it all of, my roommate is seriously considering to transfer to NYU, coz she is longing for a city. And what adds to her decision is the fact that she won't have a fixed roommate for next year (RA's have to live in a singel). These are the two closest friends I have at Bucknell and I am going to be separated from both of them next year... Its just depressing. I just wish I hadn't gotten the position.

P.S. Margie and Josie... I was wonderful talking to the two of you... You guys really cheered me up :D Its good to know that I still have all you guys - my *old friends*

Salut!

Thanks a lot Adhira, for talking to me yesterday :P I felt less worrisome afterward :D less stressed out. Today has been a lot better, even if I am worried about all work I have to do this weekend (take-home math final, physics + chem + bio hw, a hum paper, my application to be a writing center consultant -- if I get this I'll have a fun paid job yay!) I'm quite cheery now, just sort of doing my thing and trying to plan ahead so I don't find myself completely swamped (if don't call what I'm already experiencing swamped)

Yay for blog posts :) I love hearing from you guys, it really makes my day. I mailed your letters/postcards today, you'll get em soon I hope (yeah, I just sort of forgot about them in my drawer after I wrote them). But anyway, expect more from me. Love you all, Margie


p.s. I mentioned this on my blog but it looks like I'm going kayaking, snorkeling, and hiking for Spring Break, on an island in Santa Cruz, CA (up north, near Oakland, closer to SF than LA) :D happeee!

btw Josie, what are you doing for spring break? I can't believe I keep forgetting to ask you :P all the times I see you every day and at meals

bubbly bubble

hehe.. yeah, I've been checking the page everyday hoping someone will have something new to share =P

hmm, talking about that ISM bubble, Grace, I think the 'bubble' is not really the problem. I mean, everywhere you go, you'll be surrounded in some kind of 'bubble'. College bubble, workplace bubble, etc etc.

To tell the truth, I don't regret anything I have done or have not done when we were at ISM. Some things there were great. Sure, there were lots of things that I hated there, but things could have been worse. I think we all have done the best thing we could possibly have done with whatever was there at ISM. I'd been very very very bitter a lot of times about a lot of things; but complaining didn't really help (although sometimes it's good to just share the frustration with someone. In the end though, life goes on. frustration has to go away).

Having said that, post-ISM life looks good

(goes back to studying... procrastinating was good...)